My alarm is set to go off at 4:30 am each morning. I have always been a morning person; try being around me after 9 pm and I fade quickly. Most mornings I find myself waking up before the alarm. This is good because it allows me to turn it off and not have it buzz and wake my wife. Right now, though, it's harvest time, and I am putting in some pretty long days. Lately, many of my evenings have found supper happening well after 9 pm or later and bed pushing the 10 or beyond time frame. The other morning I had a very strange, weird thing happen. I remember waking up and seeing the clock at 4:29 am, and I was wide awake and refreshed and happy and ready to start the day. The next thing I remember is the alarm going off, and I was exhausted. It was dark and cold and I didn't want to get up. I had dreamed that I woke up before the alarm and was energized and ready to start the day, but in all actuality I was dead tired and did not want to get up!
I don't know about you, but for me that epitomizes my life. I have all kinds of good intentions and motives and desires of my heart to do good things but find myself more times than not, being lazy or being selfish. Paul, in the Bible, says it best. I know the good that I ought to do, but that is not what I do. No, it is the stuff that I know I shouldn't do that I do too often. How frustrating!
The only good thing about this whole struggle is that I am normal. This is why God sent Jesus. Getting rid of me and letting God do his thing is the only way I can even begin to love others and do the good I need to do.